Getting to grips with the difficulties of learning and sticking with the program in real life Part 3

This is the last part of this series and in it I will be giving you some more valuable ideas to help you successfully follow the program which hopefully will go on to help you overcome your symptoms… Worth it??? Yes, you bet!!

There are two simple ideas that, in my opinion can greatly help you follow the program successfully. One is making sure you take small and manageable steps and pace yourself so you don’t get overwhelmed or feel out of your depth. Two is looking at how you perceive the challenge, because perception is everything and if your perception is a negative one, you are sure to fail. Life itself is a matter of perception and how we view things will always dictate how we behave and react. It’s the same here; your success will depend on your perception and approach.

I would have included conscious awareness, but it’s too broad to take on here, so I will try and give you a few tips to help you, but actually it’s a whole module in its own right. The module is in the program.

Let’s begin with the idea of taking small steps. When you take small steps, what you are giving yourself is “control” and control is the one thing you want. Ask yourself how long you think you can concentrate for, and then ask yourself what usually takes over in your thinking when you try to concentrate? Answer the questions. In this way you start to get to know yourself and what might hinder your concentration. Think small steps not big. Think what you can achieve NOW, today and stay in the present keeping contained. Remember the present is the one and only place you have any control over, so just plan your day and live in it, not in the past or future.

Aim to have daily goals that are attainable for you.

  • If you can find someone to do the program with, so much the better, as you can support each other and share ideas.
  • Try to ensure you have made yourself a daily plan for carrying out the program. Write it down. However small your plan is, stick to it because you demonstrate to yourself your ability to be disciplined and discipline is another way of gaining control for you. Discipline will give you confidence as well as a very good feeling. It is also a way to encourage yourself to carry on and will contribute to you feeling much better.
  • If you are suffering from depression, anxiety or a serious stress related problem, be kind to yourself and don’t set yourself up to fail by giving yourself impossible goals. Give yourself a goal you can reach, say ten minutes of concentration. If that is too much, cut it down to five or less and build it up, but ensure you feel relaxed and in control. Try small chunks, once or twice a day, whatever is manageable for you. Don’t allow it to intimidate or control you and make sure you are always in control of yourself.
  • Don’t be persuaded by your negative thoughts to give up. It would be a bad move. If you want to overcome your negative thinking, know they can only harm you and the way to rid yourself of them, is to stop listening to them.
  • Take each chunk of the program a page at a time, a video at a time if you need to and remember, you are using the program in order to help you overcome your symptoms.  You control what and how much you do, so always keep this thought in your mind.
  • Decide on a goal for the day, then ask yourself if it is manageable or not?
  • Set out each step you intend to make and write it down. Follow this.
  • Practice, you want to succeed, follow the program as it is laid out, one step at a time. Don’t cheat or skip parts, you need the whole program.
  • Always carry out the exercises, pacing them and completing them.
  • If you have a problem, don’t give up, ask yourself how you can overcome the problem and if you can’t, email me.

Onto perception: Perception is a huge thing. I see things one way, you see things another way. Who is right? No one usually, because life a matter of perception. How you perceive the world around you or your own circumstances are simply your own perception. We all see the world differently, what is right and what is wrong? Who knows? It means that perception is not something concrete and unchangeable, quite the opposite, it is flexible and changeable. This is very good news because it means there is a lot of room for examining and testing your perception and evaluating whether it is valid or whether there could be another way to see the same situation.

Depression is famous for seeing the world in negative terms. If you are depressed it could be that your own perception of your situation is affected by the negative state you are in. It feels very real that’s true, but what if your perception is wrong?  What if you have blindly believed your negative thoughts, but actually there is a whole other and better way of seeing to be discovered? Your negative thinking will influence your perception which might see your world dark grey if you allow it. Don’t allow it to because the world isn’t all dark gray, it can be perceived that way but remember, perception doesn’t make it fact. That is what perception is about. Sometimes perception is wrong and we need to check it out before believing it.

Write down how you perceive your situation, how you perceive your ability to succeed with the program, also, how you perceive your depression or anxiety state and then take a good look and ask yourself whether your perception could be wrong?

Depression brings with it negative perception, so the likelihood is that whether you are depressed or suffering from anxiety, your perception of your own ability to overcome  your symptoms is possibly  negative rather than positive. Unfortunately, it’s the nature of the beast. Undoing toxic perceptions is vital however if you want to have success on your journey. If your perception is that you can’t succeed, that it’s too difficult, that you are not able to undertake such a program, then you on the wrong path. It’s time to change your perception as well as your negative thinking.

Here is a list of possibilities:

Negative perception: “I can’t succeed, I’ve tried things like this before and they never work”

Changed perception: “I can succeed; I need to believe in myself and my ability. My perception is wrong because if I want to succeed I will make sure I do. I will work at it and be dedicated and I will get there. I need to change my life and this is what I intend to do”. I also see this program is different from other programs and contains elements other programs don’t, so hopefully I can succeed by following it.

Above, you have the same problem, but two very different ways of perceiving it. You are free to perceive this world as you wish, but the first statement is not necessarily true yet you’d believe it if that happens to be your perception. It is flawed however because you can’t know you will fail. Just because you haven’t succeeded until now, doesn’t mean you never will. This program might be different, it might have tools other programs haven’t. It might be a more accessible program, who knows? But you need to be open minded enough to look at all the possibilities and give it a chance without the contamination of your negative mind and perception.

Think about JK Rawlings who was rejected so many times. Had she given up and deleted her books there would be no Harry Potter. She wasn’t a negative thinker and her perception was that she would succeed one day, it was a matter of perseverance. She was right. Someone else with a negative perception of their work would have wrongly given up because their perception might have been that the books are a load of rubbish and could never make it.

Here are some general examples for you to prove the point:

  • I am so fat no one will love me –How do you know that? It isn’t all about the externals, it’s about internal beauty and anyway, why on earth will no one love you? There is no reason but I see your perception of yourself is that you are not worthy. You are as worthy as the next person, you are lovely, beautiful and kind and of course you will be loved, it’s just a matter of time.
  • The world is a terrible place, I can see nothing good at all – Look around, look at beautiful nature, inspiring people, beautiful music, beautiful children, all the people who do good, these are the things to focus on and to see.. Don’t be blinded by the bad because there is plenty of good and beauty if you will just allow yourself to see it.
  • I can’t follow the program because I know that sooner or later I will stop and give up, so what’s the point of starting? – You can follow the program if you really put your mind to it. It’s about determination and a belief that you can do it. It can only be good for you, it will help you overcome your symptoms, help you feel better about yourself and help build your self-esteem. I’d say there is so much good that can come out of it, how can you think of giving up before you even start?

Think about your perception of your world. Ask yourself how long you have perceived your world as you do, and start to explore other ways, different ways, better ways to perceive every aspect of your life. Draw up opposing lists, like: The world is a good place because: – The world is a bad place because: I can do this if I: -I can’t do it because… Look at what you write and challenge the negative.

Look at your perception of following the program and then take a good look at what you write. Then write exactly why you could and should succeed, then why you can’t. Explain why you can’t or won’t and then look to see how rational what you wrote is.

It will be difficult to justify because until you try, you can’t know whether you can or can’t. Even when you tell yourself “I can’t” you will need to explain why not. The truth is that many of your reactions will be automatic and conditioned and while you are not consciously aware enough to see this flaw, you are likely to continue just reacting negatively and your perception will stay the same.

Please try examining your negative thoughts and perception very consciously and see whether you come up with some different answers now.

Remember: How you perceive your world is how your world will be!! You choose!

That’s it for now. I hope these first Blogs have been helpful and demonstrated that I have a very good understanding of some of the possible difficulties you might face. At the same time I have tried to find some practical solutions that will help you follow the program.

In the next Blog I will give you some tips on how to become more consciously aware.

See you there Carole